Why We Fight

Aside

By Tamanna Hossain

Society loves reminding us time and time again, that our situation has improved vastly over the past century. Many women are now allowed to have an existence beyond their homes and their men, be it through education, a career, independent friend-circles or non-domestic hobbies. So with a hint of impatience and unguarded rebuke we are asked – what more do we want? Why can’t we be content with the scraps patriarchy has thrown our way?

Why indeed.

Because despite the concessions we have so magnanimously been granted, we are still being harassed, beaten, and raped in the streets, in our homes, and in our bedrooms. Because assaulting us is still seen as a bad habit men have rather than a conscious, violent choice punishable by law.

Because we are still blamed when we are raped, violated, and our bodily integrity torn to shreds. Because we are still called sluts and whores who “asked for it” instead of being given the justice we deserve and often need in order to heal. Because we are told to shut up and suck it up in the name of vague notions like “family honour” and “social reputation”.

Because our moral integrity is tied to the status of our hymen. Because, we are hyper-sexualized but not allowed to be sexual.  Because, our sexuality is presented as being either passive or destructive. Because,we are not allowed healthy acknowledgments, let alone expressions, of our sexuality without losing our value as a human being.

Because, we are defined by the color of our skin and the number on our weighing machines. Because, virtual strangers feel entitled to provide unsolicited judgment and advice regarding our bodies. Because, we are expected to smile politely, while publicly evaluated and found wanting. Because we live in a white-washed, post-colonial nightmare where being dark skinned is ugly.

Because we can’t earn more than our husbands without emasculating him. Because it’s considered ridiculous to expect our husbands to cook, clean and be supportive. Because wife-beating is seen as an embarrassing habit rather than a crime. Because marital rape is still an oxymoron.

Because we are expected to laugh at rape jokes that act as violent reminders of violent crimes. Because we are seen as nit-picking shrews when we complain about degrading, gendered language that normalizes and perpetuates patriarchal roles. Because “being a pussy” represents weakness and “having balls” conveys strength, even though pussies can take a pounding and balls hurt easy.

Because women fighting for their rights are painted as paranoid, malcontent home-wreckers who are either man-hating prudes or uncontrolled sluts out to make sluts of everyone.

Because double standards, misogyny, and gender violence are a part of the very fabric of human society, not just in Bangladesh, but everywhere.

Because the list of reasons why we fight can’t possibly end here.

Tamanna graduated from Lawrence University with a degree in Mathematics and Philosophy. She is the former president of the Lawrence University chapter of V-Day and is a lifetime member of Kappa Alpha Theta. She is now a part of VDAY Dhaka and One Billion Rising Campaign in Bangladesh. 

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